Ballad of Regrets
by JoxhnXXIII
Summary: I couldn't stand myself anymore. I look back on things, and I realized how much pain I dealt to her... Oneshot. Warning right now, it's loosely FFX-2 related. If you're looking for actual content, do find elsewhere.


Ballad of Regrets

**A/N: **_This is a one-shot, or at least it should be kept that way. This symbolizes some of what I've been going through these past few months, and honestly it hurts. In any case, I don't own Final Fantasy X-2, or Squaresoft/Square Enix, or any of its affiliates.  
_

_...Oh. And you might want to keep an Al Bhed translator handy, there's a few bits of dialogue in Al Bhed present here._

* * *

**I've turned my back on the world.**

My mind wandered as I walked through the Zanarkand Ruins, not a soul in sight unless one counted fiends. They were child's play to deal with, with the exception of the occasional Humbaba. It was the perfect place to take refuge from everybody and everything. I'm pretty sure that they've begun looking for me, but I don't care. After all, I'm nothing but a reject. One that's had his heart shattered and his soul stolen. That's why I'm here.

* * *

**I regret everything I said to him.**

I know I unconsciously did damage to him, but I never expected that much, to the point that he would jump ship and disappear. I don't know why I said such mean things to him…I feel so heartless.

"Rea?" I heard a voice say from behind me, breaking my train of thought. I turned 180 degrees to see my airship pilot, Tess, looking up at me. She and I were both Al Bhed, roaming around Spira while we had no clue that Home was attacked until three years later, after Lady Yuna had brought the Eternal Calm. It was during that time that we came across…him…and took him aboard.

"Yeah, Tess?" I asked in response.

"Where do you think he could've gone? We've tried searching for him for a good two months in almost every place…"

"…I don't know. I wish I had an inkling of a clue, at least…we tried the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth, the Chocobo Ranch, the Thunder Plains, Besaid, Guadosalam, even his own home, Mt. Gagazet. Where could he possibly be?"

"Maybe I can suggest something." I heard another voice say. Again I turned, this time to see my resident warrior, Yongze. Clad in mostly red armor, he usually provided the brute strength in our battles while I was the magic caster and Tess was the "alchemist/thief" of sorts. "There is one place that I know we haven't tried."

"_**Naymmo!? Damm sa frana!**_" I demanded, completely forgetting the fact that he couldn't understand Al Bhed very well.

"She means, 'Tell us where!' in essence," Tess told him to provide him with a translation.

"Ah…I see. Very well, I'll tell you."

I leaned in closer to listen very closely, since my hearing wasn't the best.

"He's probably residing in the Zanarkand Ruins. It's the only remote place we haven't tried, especially since that Isaaru person closed it off as well," he said with a lower of his head at the end.

"Do you think so?" I asked him, to be sure that he knew what he was saying.

He nodded in response. "I'm absolutely sure of it."

That instantly set my brain off into overdrive. "_**Tess!**_ _**Bnabyna dra Absolute Zero vun tabyndina! Fa rayt du dra Zanarkand Ruins!**_"

"_**Oac, Rea!**_" She exclaimed and saluted in reply as she dashed to the pilot's seat of the airship and kickstarted it, making Yongze and I lose our ground. But I didn't care if Tess was being a bit reckless now with Absolute Zero, I just wanted to see him and apologize to him…

* * *

**I've realized that I'm no different than the dead. (Zanarkand Dome)**

"Gyahhh!"

I screamed in pain as a Lupus latched on to my arm, trying to deliver a Killer Fang to end my life. But I had no plans to die by some measly fiend, so I focused a portion of my life energy into sending a shockwave of darkness from my body. It sent the wolf flying back a few feet, writhing in pain momentarily until it finally died and pyreflies emerged from its now-dissolved body. I got rid of it, but at the cost of some of my health.

As I drew closer and closer to the chamber of the faith within the dome, I knew that my time was running short. My heart started beating unevenly, my breathing started becoming more rapid, and my head was spinning too as fresh blood continued to seep from my wounds. But I knew the dangers that came with going here, and that's the reason why I ventured here. It would be the only place desolate enough for me to suffer from my pain, alone. Not even alcohol would help now, not that I drank anymore. I still remember the words she said to me…

"_Look at what you've turned into! You've been drinking again, neglecting me in exchange for more work…you've hurt me so much. I don't care if we might need the gil in the future, I would appreciate it if you cared about be a bit more! You're a horrible boyfriend, and I can't take this anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore, and I don't love you anymore…so just get out! And I don't want to see you EVER AGAIN!"_

Tears rolled down my face with no hesitation as I reminisced on that argument while I propped my body on the wall of the chamber. And to think everything was mostly peaceful before that point. But she was right. I didn't take the time so see her often, I drank to relieve my stress after some missions or battles, and to make it worse I ignored her sometimes when we actually were together. I don't know why I ever thought I deserved such a perfect girl…because I never did. I tilted my head back to that I could stare at the ceiling through my crimson-covered eyes due to head damage.

"I know you can't hear me Rea…but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain I made you go through, I'm sorry you had to deal with your worthless excuse for a boy—no, now ex-boyfriend. I don't blame you for hating me. I know you'll never want to see me again…so what better thing to do than spending what's left of my life in pain, just to know at least a fraction of what I put you through. I…thank you for all the happiness you gave me, the memories and experiences. At least I can die now…peacefully. I'm sorry that I've lied to you so much. _**Rea…E muja oui…**_"

I closed my eyes, in preparation for my fate to arrive…

* * *

**I loved him, and yet I pushed him away. (Outside the Zanarkand Dome)**

Tess, Yongze, and I hopped off of Absolute Zero to find the Ruins and Dome in the same condition as it was before: empty, with nothing but fiends and monkeys. I carried my mage gun along with typical gun mage attire (**A/N: See Yuna's Gun Mage outfit for general look)**, Tess did the same with her alchemist gear (**See Rikku's Alchemist outfit**), and Yongze as well, although this time he carried a katana instead of a normal blade and wore a red and black coat, resembling Sir Auron a fair bit.

"Where could he be?" I asked my two friends. As I half-expected, I received a shaking of heads in reply.

"I couldn't fathom where he could've gone," Yongze said. "Although if he were to take refuge here, he must've gone in pretty deep."

"May as well get started, then," Tess exclaimed. We both nodded in reply and started our trek into the dome.

The fiends in here were formidable, to say the least. Many foes that could weaken us with ease resided here, such as Lupus, Ironside, Gucumatz, and the occasional Humbaba at very rare times. We used quite a bit of our strength to battle our way through those enemies to get to the dome, but we weren't in too much danger. However, when we arrived at the entrance to the Cloister of Trials I could hear a woman crying out in pain, and then a Firaga spell being cast. I looked to my comrades, who were in a worn condition, and immediately dashed to the scene of the attack.

To my surprise, I found two shocking things: one, a Precepts Guard being the assailant; and two, the woman I heard being attacked was actually Paine, of the former Gullwings. I set up a Reflect field around myself while I healed her with Curaga close-range. As this was going on Tess and Yongze were trying to divert the fiend's attention, the former using grenades while the latter used various forms of Swordplay and Bushido.

"Are you okay?" I asked the silver-haired girl.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just suffered a few scratches and burns," she replied. I breathed out a brief sigh of relief, and then proceeded to focus my mind into a Holy spell.

"Get back," I told her. "This may be a bit flashy." She did as I told her to and walked over a fair distance so she wouldn't be caught in the blast radius. Once she got out of the way, I was finished charging and let loose. The large fiend was surrounded by a heavenly background and a halo of white orbs revolved around its body until splitting above its head into multiple beams of light that pierced the guard, dealing massive damage. I grabbed Tess and Yongze while the Precepts Guard began imploding, releasing a multitude of pyreflies where it once "stood". While both of them took their time catching their breath, I approached Paine with a few questions resounding in my mind, especially why she was here.

"Paine?"

She looked up to me with weak, but still conscious eyes. "Yeah? Have we met somewhere?" I shook my head in reply. "I see…"

"Yeah. We haven't met directly, but Rikku has told me about you. Just little tidbits here and there, and that was it." I took a second to regain my composure; I wasn't used to talking to random people, Tess was usually the speaker of our trio. "In any case, why're you here in these ruins?" I noticed her head drop a bit before she spoke.

"I…I was looking for a guy named Verdam." My eyes widened at the mention of his name.

"What!? How do you know him?" I asked her.

"He was the one that helped me three years ago when a man named Nooj shot me. Back then I was the recorder for the Crimson Squad. Had he not saved me, I might've died…" She took a breath before continuing. "I ran into him again in the Den of Woe, when Rikku and I went back there to think upon what happened. Yuna didn't go with us, since she was busy babysitting Vidina with Tidus in Besaid. Anyway, when I saw him he looked empty, like he lost everything. He always kept his head down; even when I tried talking to him, he wouldn't speak a word, other than, '_I'm sorry Rea_'." I felt tears trickle down my face as I heard that last sentence. He said he was sorry…

Paine placed an arm on my back to try and comfort me. "He was your boyfriend, wasn't he? You must be the Rea he was mentioning."

"Yeah…I feel so bad for hurting him like I did. That's why I went here after a long while, hoping he was here."

"Same. I left without a word all those years ago once I was back to a decent condition. From there I joined the Gullwings. I came here after hearing from Maroda that a man that looked like him passed through into the Calm Lands, same with Kimahri on Mt. Gagazet." Her eyes started to turn to glass, which was unusual for her (at least from what Rikku told me). I offered her my hand and helped her up.

"Then why not come with us? It'd be more beneficial. Besides, we're both after the same person." She dusted herself off and picked up her sword off of the ground.

"Fair enough. Let's go."

"Alright. Tess, Yongze!" My two teammates responded instantaneously to my call. "We're moving now."

"Yes, Rea!" They both exclaimed in reply. As I smiled weakly in reply to their responsiveness, I heard a light clank of metal from the lower level.

"Paine." I gave her an understanding look and she took notice immediately.

"I know, Rea. We need to move now."

The four of us dashed over to the lift and waited for it to activate and send us down to the lower levels and to the Chamber of the Fayth. My heart stopped immediately at the sight of Verdam just lying there on the ground near the walls of the chamber. He was covered in blood from head to toe, clothes ripped and burned off in multiple places.

"VERDAM!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and dove straight for his body. My body grew weak at the sight of him up close. He couldn't even open his red and green eyes. I couldn't move a muscle after that, I couldn't say anything. This was just all my fault…

* * *

**Normal POV**

Everybody was in a state of shock and unrest. Tess came up to Rea and hugged her back tightly to try and comfort her, but still the Al Bhed girl sat there in the same position she was, frozen in place and unable to move. Yongze placed his katana on the ground and held his head in sorrow. While Rea was trapped in her daze, Paine slowly checked him for any sign of life.

"Rea…"

"What is it?" Yongze asked in her place.

"…He's barely alive, I found a faint pulse. He needs healing now, and when we get back on your airship."

He nodded and signaled Tess to wake Rea from her trance. She wouldn't snap to her senses, so she was carried on Paine's back while he administered an Elixir to Verdam, who was barely able to ingest it at all. He carried the heavily injured dark knight over his shoulder , with Tess as his support. The five of them returned back onto Absolute Zero, their hearts still weary from what transpired within the Ruins. Rea slowly began recovering, but she was left in a pitiful and depressing state. She still blamed herself for leaving Verdam and leaving him in his broken state. Her faithful followers attempted to comfort her on numerous occasions, but to little avail. As for Paine, she stayed with them, having nothing better to do and reasoning that it was the least that she could do for him. Nobody was able to rest that night…

* * *

**I was delusional to think I was good enough for her. (Verdam's Mind: Field of Despair)**

I walked through this blackened field, barren of all life. This field of darkness was where I had to combat all my sins, my regrets, my own sadness. My own mind was crippled from everything I had to contend with over my whole life. But the worst of them…was Rea. It wasn't her fault, not at all. It was my own. I always thought that she was much better than me and deserved more than myself. I kept questioning my own mind why she loved me; I found the answers, but with them even more doubts arose. I knew that I was hurting her! I knew that I wasn't paying as much attention to her as I should! Yet I still continued to do such!

"Having fun there?" Asked a voice in the distance. I found it familiar the instant I heard it, and as I expected, the origin revealed itself to be Madrev, my dark side in essence. The representation of all that I don't necessarily show often. He was a wild card, sometimes assisting me in coping with my darkness…other times spiting me and making myself feel worse and alone.

"What do you want?" I asked him coldly. He took a step back in surprise, mouth agape at what I conceived to be my mood.

"Whoa…I've never seen you like this. Your heart's like frigid ice! And it's shattered too…"

I scoffed at his comments. "Like you cared one shit about me. Why don't you leave me alone if you're going to be a headache?"

"…Verdam…what happened to you?"

"What happened to me? I'll tell you. I finally awakened to all the idiotic things I've done. I've realized how much I've hurt her over the years. I know my wrongdoings, and I've regretted deeply."

"Are you meaning to tell me that you tried to lead yourself to death!?" He bellowed in rising fury. I didn't think he would actually "care" about what I did with my life too much. Maybe he just wanted to keep himself alive.

"What does it damn look like to you, you egotistical asshole?!" Moments of silence followed after my retort. I could do naught as he pierced my soul with his eyes.

"…I see. I will have to make you see the error of your thinking, then."

"By what?" I asked, giving him a skeptical look. He turned around and walked a few feet away from me.

"By waking you up, so you can find out how she truly feels."

He shot out an orb of dark flame from his left hand, colliding with my chest. In seconds it engulfed me and I was filled with an odd warm feeling. I soon felt my consciousness slipping, and as I was getting close to shutting my eyes, I heard his voice once more, but in an echoed tone.

"_Don't worry. She'll be there to check on you soon. Then you can ask her, and find out the truth. See ya, oh conflicted opposite of mine."_

* * *

**I wish that he would come back...to be mine again. (Absolute Zero, Medical Room, Rea's POV)  
**

I headed over to the medical room again, to check on Verdam's health. Tess told me that I was worrying too much about him, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't want him dying on me yet, not when I still had to apologize to him for making him leave. I entered the room, and to my legitimate surprise I found Verdam squirming in his bed, fully awake and trying to get off of it and back on his two feet.

"Verdam!" I softly yelled so as to not disturb anybody and caught him as he was about to fall from trying to stand. He still looked in a terrible shape; most of his wounds were bandaged and had stopped bleeding, but the total weight of the damage he took crippled him greatly. I gestured him to sit back down on the bed and he obeyed to my relief. He looked into me with his gleaming ruby and emerald eyes, I couldn't help but soften at his gaze.

"…R-Rea…"

"Are you okay?" I asked him with teary eyes. It took all of my willpower to not hug him tightly then and there and just cry it all out into his shoulder.

"Yes, I'm fine…" He looked away from me and left me in confusion. "…I'm sorry Rea."

"Sorry for what?"

"For hurting you so much with what I did. I knew what I did was wrong, but I still persisted anyway. I don't know why you stayed with me through all that. I never deserved you; you deserved a much better boyfriend than me…"

I broke down almost instantaneously as he said that and I started crying hard where I was standing. I didn't notice him standing up until he wrapped his arms around me. I continued to shed tears into his blood-soaked chest while he kept me in a warm embrace. "What are…you talking about? I was the one that yelled at you so much! I broke your heart in two! I…I made you go to Zanarkand to kill yourself…just because of my uncontrolled anger…" He tilted my head so that he could look into my eyes.

"Rea…I still love you. I always have. You still mean a lot to me. I don't care if you hurt me, because you never mean it when you do. I just blinded myself with my thoughts of incompetency. Don't cry anymore…"

My cries slowly reverted into small sniffles when I heard his words. To think that even after all that, he didn't hate me…I just melted into his embrace. We stayed like this for a very long while, until I sensed that other people were around. Both our heads simultaneously turned to see Tess, Yongze, and Paine looking at us with smiles.

"Well, it seems like they are back to normal," Yongze noted.

"Yeah, seems like it," Paine agreed with a slight smirk. "Perhaps we should leave them alone?" I saw Verdam change looks to one of surprise when he saw her.

"…Paine? Is that really you?" He asked her with shock laden in his voice.

"Yeah, it's me. We'll talk later, for now you should pay attention to your girl." I blushed at what she said, and then he led me into a passionate kiss. I felt how much he loved me, and I felt the same way back. Time seemed to just instantly pause for the brief moments of bliss we shared. All my worries and doubts slipped away as we parted to catch our breath.

"**Yf, drao'na cu ytunypma dukadran...**" Tess exclaimed, she herself sporting a deep red blush. I knew she was looking for a guy too, she'll know who the one for her will be. The three of them left as spontaneous as they showed up, or rather, I should say ran out. I guess they thought they were intruding on our moment, but as soon as they got out of hearing distance, I felt one of his arms wrap around my waist and held me close. I couldn't help hugging him back with my arms around his torso, looking up at him and seeing him smile so happily.

"We should probably go after them, huh Rea?" Verdam asked me.

"Yup, I still need to get payback on Tess for something," I replied.

"And what would that be?"

"For taking so long to find you."

"Rea…I love you."

"I love you too, Verdam."

He took a hold of my hand and slowly led me out of the room and after those three. As we walked, I thought about what I did to him and how much I hurt him…but it doesn't matter now. He forgave me for what I did, and I the same for him. I felt so happy, like back when we first got together. I love him just the way he is, and I don't ever want to let him go again.

* * *

**Verdam's POV  
**

I never thought that she would be able to forgive me, not in a million years. But now I'm here, and I've been reunited with her. Madrev was right, I didn't know how she felt until he sent me back to Spira. Had he not intervened, I might have been locked into wandering the endless plains of darkness forever, until I decided I was tired of suffering. I'll have to thank him one of these days, when I go back inside my heart. And despite everything that's happened, I don't regret anything, nothing in this ballad of regrets.

* * *

_And, fin. I'm sorry I took the time to create this rather than updating my other works (which I really should do), but I've just lost the will to do things. I can't seem to motivate myself to write as often anymore, and if that wasn't bad enough, even if I find the time I just run straight into writer's block head-on._

_I will try my darndest to update "Art of War & Love" by the end of the month. As for "Until the End of Our Days", that will be terminated. I've gotten controversy over that, so I will have to eradicate it. Very sorry if you like the **ONE** chapter that I miserably put out, but it must be done._

_In any case, I am JoxhnXXIII, as stated at the top. Review if you wish, I won't stop you simply because even oneshots deserve reviews. Although if you want me to make this a whole story…PM me about it and give me reasons why. I'd actually love to know your input on this. I'm pretty sure I'll be criticized for the lack of content from FFX-2 itself, aside from Paine and some locations.  
_

_But for now…g'day, and nyan. _


End file.
